Forgive yourself. Accept that you once let someone tear down the wall that you oh-so-carefully built around you for so many years and made yourself open to pain. Accept your human weakness nature of wanting, needing, yearning, to be loved and that when an opportunity presented itself for it to finally happen, you gave in and gave all you had. Accept that the past would have turned out better if you knew better but you didn’t and there’s nothing you can do except learn from it. Accept that you listened to your heart instead of your head, accept that you held on longer than you should, accept that you begged, accept that you almost settled for less than what you wanted and, most of all, accept that you loved. Forgive yourself, for all you did was love.
You are beautiful. Every single cell in your anatomy is beautiful. You are worthy of the best of everything life can offer. Just because you’ve already been rejected and replaced doesn’t mean you won’t be accepted again. Always be true to who you are no matter what others say or how others make you feel. Never let anything or anyone silence you or keep you from letting your light shine. God made you, fearfully and wonderfully, and you’ll always be the song in His heart. You are beautiful precisely because He made you, you.
Be thankful for 2010. It made you stronger than you ever thought you could be. It may be a year you wish you could forget but the time will come when you’ll be grateful that you remember. Remember the bountiful life lessons this year has taught you. Remember the ups and downs, the highs and lows, the sorrow and the joy. Remember the heartbreak and be thankful, for to be broken is to be blessed, and to be blessed is to have the power to bless the rest of the world.
Let go of the past and don’t be afraid of the future. The best year of your life is about to begin. Pray for it, claim it, believe it, see it, work on it and live it. Be excited and hopeful for what each new day can bring and what you can contribute to the lives of the people around you. Take chances, climb mountains, love others, jump off of cliffs, love some more and fly. Make the most of everything that life throws at you and just enjoy the journey. You’re on the threshold of something amazing. Don’t ever be afraid, for God is with you every single step of the way.
TO 2011 AND BEYOOOOOOOND!!! :D 
i think that’s how he does it. he’s the type of person who doesn’t dwell on memories, on things that happened in the past, both good and bad. when we were together, he never really thought of things about our relationship unless i was able to tell him something that would provoke him to think. otherwise, he would just think about his career, his spirituality, and, basically, himself. although this is not to say that all he thought of was himself. i think he would also think of me from time to time, especially when i was being ksp. wahaha. XD just not as much as i thought of him though. and now that we’re through, i bet he thinks of me even less so. hahaha.
i guess that’s one of my fears. him forgetting me. after all, what’s a one-and-barely-half year relationship he decided to end compared to, say, three years that left him devastated? most people tend to remember the things that hurt them than the things that made them happy, even just for a little while (assuming that i did make him happy in that one-and-barely-half year). i honestly believe that he will get over this in no time because he has been through worse. as for me, i’m the type of person who remembers everything. the good, the bad, the ugly, and everything that came in between. although i wish i could be one of those people who could say that “at least i don’t have to do this anymore” or “at least i don’t have to go through that anymore”, sadly, i’m not. i’m remembering the relationship for what it was: flawed, difficult, and sometimes tiring but still filled with happy moments that made everything else oh so worth it. this is what mostly makes it hard for me. knowing that what we shared was far from perfect but still seeing it as a wonderful thing i lost rather than an inconvenience that i finally got rid off.
i know there will come a time when looking back won’t make me ache anymore. when thinking about the happy moments will make me smile than cry. but for now, unfortunately, i have to live with it, having a conscious decision to make every hour to not think about him and what we once had—all one-and-barely-half year of it. i don’t know when this period will end. i have no idea when the morning when i’m completely pain-free will finally come.
all i know is this: i will never forget him—even when he forgets and finally replaces me—even if i tried.
livejournal was where my friends and i used to post all the so-called drama in our lives, back when were younger and every single thing mattered. when an ignored “hello” was read as a destruction of a friendship, when a failing grade felt like armageddon, and an unrequited affection was considered death. but these days, most of my friends have moved on past this stage, opting for beer instead to cure their melancholy and malcontentedness. or maybe they just have less time for drama now because of all the responsibilities that come with being labeled as an ‘adult’.
as for me, i’m still here. my dramas may have evolved (or did they? hahaha) but i still feel the same. although i guess tumblr is now what lj used to be. i was a little surprised when i realized that most tumblr users are teenagers and i must admit that reading most of their posts made me cringe. not because they were untrue or i found them immature and petty. it was actually the opposite. it was like visiting a period i have long forgotten and never wanted to return to again while at the same time i wish i never left. it’s a funny, contradicting feeling.
oh, what it would be like to be a kid again. but as they say, growing old is inevitable but growing up is optional. so cheers to teenagers with their existential angst and to twenty-something free-spirits whose lives have just begun. the worldwide web is ours for the taking. ;)
